it’s His story…

Remember your dreams and fight for them.  You must know what you want from life.  There is just one thing that makes your dream become impossible: the fear of failure.  Never forget your Personal Legend.  Never forget your dreams.  Your silent heart will guide you.  Be silent now.  It is the possibility of a dream that makes life interesting.  You can choose between being a victim of destiny or an adventurer who is fighting for something important.    –Paulo Coelho

A Butterfly

 

Standing in front of a thousand people, she nervously holds the microphone.  She’s unsure of how her Pastor talked her into this; especially on Easter Sunday.  She looks into the sea of faces and suddenly feels a calmness come over her.  She speaks of her spiritual journey and the truth she finally feels in her soul.  She gives her Heavenly Father the praise and recognition for the changes in her life and heart; as well as those who had supported her along the way.  Her eyes, ears, and heart have been opened to something so amazing.  Today, the sun shines brighter and her life is fuller.  She is no longer bound but a butterfly with colorful wings, ready to fly.

Today I realized something.  I knew it already but someone that cares for me put it into words.  I am a people-pleaser.  And for me, that’s not something I want to be.  I realized it a few years ago when I never had time for myself.  If someone asked me to do something, I didn’t want to say “no”.  So I was running around like a chicken with it’s head cut off.  I even picked up the book “Boundaries” but rea the first chapter and told myself that I did have boundaries.  I started being what I thought was selfish, but realized that I was really just setting boudaries and taking care of myself instead of everyone around me.
Well, something happened recently and instead of doing what was right for me, I wanted to please the people around me and not be different than them.  I was more concerned about them liking me, so I ended up being “of this world” instead of being like Jesus.  Was it my choice?  Absolutely, and I take full responsibility for it.  Was/am I sorry for it happening?  Absolutely- and I know I was harder on myself than anyone else could have been.  Would I make the same mistake again? Although you aren’t supposed to say “never”, I am thinking that.  With God’s help and strength where I am weak, I pray that I never ever do it again.
It is through my weaknesses that God shines through.  God doesn’t look for perfection… He works thru those who are imperfect to show He works miracles.  He has worked so many already in my life and I know He will continue working in me until that day that I am with Him in Heaven.  I love Maya Angelou’s poem “Christians”.  Here it is…

Christians - By Maya Angelou

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not shouting “I’m clean livin’.”
I’m whispering “I was lost,
Now I’m found and forgiven.”

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I don’t speak of this with pride.
I’m confessing that I stumble
and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not trying to be strong.
I’m professing that I’m weak
And need His strength to carry on.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not bragging of success.
I’m admitting I have failed
And need God to clean my mess.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say…”I am a Christian”
I’m not holier than thou,
I’m just a simple sinner
Who received God’s good grace, somehow!

I am no where near perfect.  I hope that no one ever expects perfection from me.  I strive every day to do what God wants me to do, so that my actions glorify Him.  At times I may fall; I ask Him for forgiveness and I grab His hand as He pulls me back up.  God’s forgiveness is like nothing I’ve ever experienced- it’s non-judgemental, it’s limitless in love, and so amazing.
Through all of this, I’ve re-learned a very valuable lesson.  I’m here to please God only and to worship Him alone, with all that I am and all that I have.  Things of this world will one day be gone and God is the only One who truly matters.  So as long as I am doing what He wants for me, I’m doing the best that I can.  Even if I am the one who isn’t part of the crowd or doing what is society expects of me.  And you know what?  I’m totally okay with that- I’ve lived that life and it’s not a life at all.  It’s only when the cross is in the center of my vision that I am living a true and abundant life.

Are you a people-pleaser or a God-pleaser?

I think that one of the reasons I wasn’t worried about being unemployed was that I thought God had already lined up the perfect job for me.  Working at a church and working for kids ministry.  I’ve just realized that it’s who He created me to be- I can relate to kids, I can talk to kids, and wow, I can love some kids! 
I thought my interview went well but I knew the reality that I wasn’t the only one hoping and praying for the job.  Well, I found out yesterday that I didn’t get it- wasn’t anything about the interview but I wasn’t the best fit.  Talk about upset… I was upset that I didn’t get it, upset that I had no idea what I was going to do, and upset that I was really jobless now.  I cried for a little while and then my mom and I had to go somewhere so I got myself together.  While I was driving, my mom asked me something that was already creeping into my mind…  “Are you going to be mad at God?”  Ouch.  I couldn’t answer.
When things don’t go our way, don’t we usually get mad and upset?  But over the years, I’ve learned that it gets you no where.  I used to be that person that one little thing would affect everything in my life- it was awful.  So over time I’ve learned that I can’t let it, but it usually took a huge effort.  Then I met Jesus.  And somehow all of those things weren’t so big anymore and I started seeing the bigger picture… that God has a plan bigger than what I’m experiencing in that moment.  So, I let myself feel it and asked God to give me peace that it wasn’t where He wants me at this time and for some direction as to where He really wants me.  He already answered the first part of that prayer… wow, He was quick!
I woke up today and am nowhere near the upset that I felt yesterday.  I’m looking forward to whatever it is that God has planned.  I already have some ideas and am doing my part to keep moving forward.  I’m not worried but rather excited about it all.  It’s as though I’m waiting on a big suprise and I have no idea what it could be!  I just know that I can rely on God and know that He is doing what’s best for me… so how could I be mad about that??  Thanks God, for my mother’s words that reminded me of who You are and in turn, dramatically changed the way I handled it all.

Are you mad at God about something?  Do you know that He has your best interest at heart and has something better planned for you than what you had planned for yourself?

Listen and Learn: Questions to ask yourself
1.  Who am I listening to?
2.  Who do I need to quit listening to?  (What do my friends and family say about these people/things?  The ones who will be the best for us are those who are honest and have nothing to gain!)
3.  Who should I be listening to?
4.  What do you not want to hear, but need to?
5.  Whose advice are you not listening to simply because you don’t like them as a person?

Ask God to open your ears and mind to listen to what He has to say and for the courage to really hear it!

By the way, I love the girls in my small group.  We are all so similar, yet with such different stories.  They all have an amazing heart and are truly genuine.  I just can’t imagine if I hadn’t met them.  They are such an encouragement… they have made me better just by knowing them.  God has such an awesome way of bringing people together at the perfect time and I am so grateful for these girls.

Have you ever had a day that you realize you are actually awake?  You feel like maybe you haven’t been so awake lately… just going through the motions.  Well, today I felt more awake and it felt good.  The last few weeks of vacation have really made me realize that the past months I have just been going through the motions.  I have been slowly waking up over the past month or so but today when I saw my kids at church, I was me again.  I fell in love with those kids.  They restored my hope, my childlike faith, and just the happiness in my heart that only kids can give you.
Andy Stanley started a new series called “Listen and Learn” based on 2 Chronicles 18:1-8, 12-17, 25-34..  Well, I listened to Andy and I definitely learned.  Here are some highlights…
- What and who you listen to will influence what you do.  (Common sense & simple, yet something we don’t pay attention to!)
- There’s no division in the areas of your life to pray about it- pray about it all and FIRST SEEK COUNSEL OF THE LORD!
- It’s clearly obvious to others who I’m listening to.
- Saying that we are being careful or cautious doesn’t change the fact that we are taking the wrong path.  (So true!)
- Isn’t it true that the ones we avoid the most are the ones we really need to listen to?  We just don’t want to because we know they’ll tell us what we don’t want to hear!  (I can’t count the number of times!)
- God is gracious to me because He sends people into my life to speak truth to me!  (Thank you God!)  I just have to be open to hear what they are saying!

I know that if I LISTEN, God will radically redirect my life!  And I pray I have the courage to do it!
Tomorrow, a few questions to ponder…

Do you have headphones on that are filtering and preventing you from hearing reality?  Are you really listening? 

I didn’t realize that people actually read my blog.  Yesterday, two people told me that they do… and old friend and a new one.  Wow.  Thanks for making me feel special!
There are so many things that I’ve meant to blog about.  So many amazing experiences the last few weeks and months.
So, I’m about to play catch up and I’m excited about it.  I feel like I am getting my life back… creating the life I want and doing the things I’m passionate about.  And writing is one of those.  Along with sharing about what God is doing in this life of mine.
Stay tuned and look back to see what’s new in the past days.
Much love.

So, it ended.  A time in my life that I forgot who I was and let the world consume me… a job consume me.  I told myself I’d never become a work-aholic but I did.  A friend brought it to my attention that I always have been but I guess this time I actually saw that I was.  But it has ended now. 
I was traveling a lot for work and in the beginning, it was exciting and fun.  I got to see palm trees and beach regularly- who could complain?  Well, it started to wear on me… big time.  When I was home, I was either doing paperwork or too tired to have a life.  I started to realize towards the end that I just wasn’t made to be that person.  And everyone around me noticed too.
This week I had an amazing week.  I met with my small group (great way to start my week!) and then left for the mountains on Tuesday for work.  On the drive up, I listened to Fracis Chan’s message called “A thing called Love”.  Wow.  I was blown away for the second time by this message.  I can’t say it enough… I had the most amazing week with Jesus in the mountains.  God was totally preparing me for what was next.
I got the call around 2pm- I was driving home from SC.  As soon as they started talking, I knew what was coming.  I no longer have a job.  I was shocked.  The past few weeks, I was really making the best of it and totally handed it over to God- I was doing my best for Him.  And it was taking me 10-12 hours of work a day. 
I hung up the phone.  I exhaled.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  Everyone I’ve spoken to says I’m too happy.  I just got my life back… shouldn’t I be happy?!
A few weeks ago, I told God that I would be obedient.  If this was where He wanted me, I was going to shine for Him.  No matter how unhappy I was.  As soon as I gave up trying to control it, He changed my circumstances.  And although I was still traveling and now working harder than I had been, I was enjoying it because I refocused my energy.  He gave me this last week in the mountains to prepare me. 
I couldn’t have been in a better place- mentally and emotionally and God totally put me there.  I have faith.  I have faith that God is working out His plan.  I just have to be willing and obedient.  Francis Chan said that most people don’t really want to know God’s will for their life… Tuesday I told God I did.  I know that He has so much more planned for me and I wasn’t in that place.  So He gave me a gift.  And I know that much more is coming and I can’t wait to see what it is.
A verse I read morning and night this week… 
… But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  -Matthew 6:33-34

Do you need to re-focus?  Are you seeking Him first?

Grace For The Moment
Max Lucado

The Verdict
Jesus said [to her], “I also don’t judge you guilty. You may go now, but don’t sin anymore.” John 8:11
If you have ever wondered how God reacts when you fail, frame the words [of that verse] and hang them on the wall. Ponder them…
Or better still, take Him with you to your canyon of shame. Invite Christ to journey with you… to stand beside you as you retell the events of the darkest nights of your soul.
And then listen. Listen carefully. He’s speaking… “I don’t judge you guilty.” And watch. Watch carefully. He’s writing. He’s leaving a message.
Not in the sand, but on a cross.
Not with His hand, but with His blood.
His message has two words: Not guilty